Let me tell you how I mothered myself.
Mother’s Day 2016 was extremely hard for me, due to the fact that I felt so alone not having the kind of bond one should have with their mother. I felt incomplete and lonely even though I was surrounded by my children and my husband.
I often evaluate my parental skills due to the fact that I’m unsure of my motherly role to my children and my subconscious memories get in the way of my healing. Growing up in Canada I often felt as if I was an unloved daughter and confuse a relationship with caretaking, loyalty and protection.
Over the years I found myself attaching myself to anyone who plays a motherly role, but over time that relationship would fade away due to the fact that they couldn’t replace the bond that I was missing from my mother.
I was once the type of person who wouldn’t trust anyone that displays any kind of love towards me because I would always judge others and think that they had a hidden agenda. I now realized that this was behaviour of a daughter who felt unloved.
During my emotional state last Mother’s Day, I realized that I had to take control over my life and subconscious mind. I was in control of the outcome of my destination, I knew that my past helped me to be the woman I am today and I am proud of the woman I have become.
I have mothered myself to this point in my life but I needed to heal, I needed to have a breakthrough, I needed to move forward.
I decided it was time to own my feelings and my story, it was time for me to move forward and accept my relationship with my mother for what it is and I am grateful that she is still in my life.
I decided to focus only on the positive memories of the relationship I once had with my mother and rewrite my story in a positive way whenever I visit her.
I realized that I had a lot of boundaries when it comes to having a relationship with my mother because I knew that the relationship I needed from her is not the kind of relationship she is able to give me. I am so used to people entering my life and disappearing eventually to the point where I come to expect it. I am currently working on having healthy boundaries in order to build a healthier relationship with my mother and realized that she loved me and did the best she could from the distance she’s at.
As per Psychology Today, “I had to focus and pay conscious attention to situations that made me feel the way I was feeling whenever I think about my mother. Instead of allowing myself to go on autopilot, becoming defensive or reactive, I had to learn to step back and process not only what I was feeling but why.
I was able to realize that my current situation does play a part of my emotional state and the thing I wish I had most of all, was to have the kind of bond with my Mother where I could call her and talk to her about life, I wanted that non-judgmental relationship that a daughter should have with her mother and the kind of mother that is available for comfort.
I now realized that I was able to create the kind of relationship I needed from my mother with myself and I am able to reflect this healthier relationship with my children, I am somewhat overprotective with them and had to learn to give a little, even with my husband.
From the outside looking in it seems as if I spoil my children because my ways are non-traditional, but I am only mothering them in my motherless way. Sometimes in life, we need to go with the flow of things and learn as we go.
Being a mother is a blessing and my own experiences taught me how to appreciate my own, it allows me to recognize her bravery and her strength. She was self-less when she send her two daughters to Canada to live a life she wasn’t able to give us. She placed all her hope and faith in the Lord and asked him to guide and protect us throughout our journey.
I believe one of the greatest gifts a mother could give her children is the love of God and teaches them how to pray and have faith in him. This gift was given to me by my mother and the love for God was what kept me through my darkest hours.
So on this Mother’s Day, my gift to you is God’s blessings and his Love. I wish you all a
Happy Mother’s Day